


Hunting for the Porn Neighbors

by thewalrus_said



Series: Porn Neighbors [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Loud Neighbors, M/M, Neighbors, noise complaints
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 07:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19420873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewalrus_said/pseuds/thewalrus_said
Summary: Tired of the sound of the sex scenes in whatever his neighbor is watching, Yuuri goes hunting for the culprit.





	Hunting for the Porn Neighbors

**Author's Note:**

> For Kaz's teeth holes and anon(pollen)'s dying crops.

**_Yuuri_ ** _  
_ _The sex scene in what my neighbors have been watching has been going on for fifteen minutes_

 **_Phichit_ **  
_Oh, buddy_  
_It’s porn_ _  
They’re watching porn_

_**Yuuri** **  
** Who watches porn at 2pm on a Tuesday? _

**_Phichit_ **  
_Your neighbors_ _  
Go find out who it is_

_**Yuuri**  
No _

**_Phichit_ **  
_COME ON, this is the third time this month you’ve texted me about them, I’m dying of curiosity_ _  
Go find out_

\------

Yuuri stepped out of the stairwell on the fifth floor of his apartment building and groaned.

He’d been half-hoping he wouldn’t be able to tell which floor the groans and gasps were originating on, so he could avoid the whole confrontation entirely, but it was definitely this floor; he could even hear the backing music now. He pulled out his phone.

 **_Yuuri_ ** _  
_ _It’s definitely someone on the fifth floor_

 **_Phichit_ ** _  
_ _Start knocking on doors_

 **_Yuuri_ **  
_I am NOT knocking on doors_ _  
Honestly, do you even know me?_

_**Phichit**  
Well do SOMETHING, you’re so close _

Yuuri stepped up to the first door on the floor and put his ear to it. The sound was still loud, but he couldn’t tell if it was louder behind this door or if he would have to keep searching. The notebook under his arm started to slip, and as he shifted to catch it, his elbow knocked hard against the door.

He froze. Maybe no one was home? Maybe they hadn’t heard it over the throbbing bass of the porn? He held very still for a few seconds, but just as he started to relax, the door creaked open.

 _Oh_ fuck. The hottest man Yuuri had ever seen was standing in front of him, in low-slung sweatpants and nothing else. Washboard abs, a smooth, hairless chest Yuuri wanted to literally eat dinner off of, piercing blue eyes, soft-looking silver hair. Yuuri was _fucked._

“Hi,” Yuuri said. “I’m looking for porn?”

Hot Neighbor blinked. “I can’t help you.”

“Sorry! _The_ porn. I’m looking for the porn, that’s playing.” Yuuri pointed to the air by his ear. “That porn. Maybe you can’t...hear it...”

A look of understanding washed over Hot Neighbor’s face. “Ah. Yes. I’m familiar.”

Yuuri realized he was still crouching down from catching the notebook and straightened. “It’s definitely coming from somewhere on this floor. I just haven’t narrowed it down to which apartment yet.”

Hot Neighbor nodded. “Right. Well, let me get a shirt and we’ll go hunting.” He shut the door.

 **_Yuuri_ ** _  
_ _I just met the hottest man in the world and I think he’s Russian and I asked him for porn????_

 **_Phichit_ ** _  
_ _WHAT_

Yuuri shoved his phone into his pocket as the door opened again. The man was even more delicious with a shirt on; the soft v-neck framed his collarbones perfectly. Yuuri’s phone buzzed. “Shall we?” he asked, stepping out into the hallway. Yuuri nodded dumbly. His phone buzzed again. Hot Neighbor went on, “I’ll take the doors at the far end of the hallway, you keep going here. Signal if you find the culprit.” Buzz.

Yuuri waited until Hot Neighbor was halfway down the hall to rip his phone out.

 **_Yuuri_ ** _  
_ _Can’t talk, we’re going hunting_

 **_Phichit_ ** _  
_ _FOR A CONDOM SO YOU CAN SMASH?????_

Yuuri shoved the phone back into his pocket and pressed his ear to a door. Down the hall, Hot Neighbor was doing the same. As Yuuri watched, he shook his head and moved to the next door. After a few seconds, he looked over at Yuuri and waved him over.

“It’s definitely this one,” Hot Neighbor whispered when Yuuri approached. Yuuri leaned in, and yes, it definitely was.

“Okay,” Yuuri said, pulling out his notebook and pen. “I came prepared.”

“What’s that for?”

Yuuri looked at him. “Sliding a note under the door asking him to turn it down?”

Hot Neighbor gave him a weird look. “Or...” To Yuuri’s horror, he reached up and knocked on the door.

Before Yuuri could do more than hiss out a negative, the door opened. The man standing behind it was as tall as Hot Neighbor, with dark hair and the most intense eyeliner Yuuri had ever seen. “Can I help you?” he asked.

Another Russian. Yuuri was starting to feel outnumbered.

“Hi!” Hot Neighbor said brightly. “I’m Viktor, nice to meet you.”

Hot Neighbor - Viktor - looked at Yuuri. “I’m Yuuri.”

“And I am Georgi. Did you knock just to introduce yourselves?”

“No, no,” Viktor said. “We’re here about the noise.”

Georgi wrinkled his nose. “I see.”

Viktor went on, “You may not have realized, but with your movies at that volume, my friend here can hear them... Yuuri, how many floors away are you?”

Yuuri wanted to _die._ “Three floors up.”

“Three floors up,” Viktor finished, turning back to Georgi. “Would you mind turning them down?”

Georgi sighed. “Alas, I would love to, but I cannot.”

“Can you,” Yuuri started. Both sets of eyes turned to him. He cringed. “Could you at least go back to when it was just Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings? The, the sex noises are...a lot,” he trailed off.

Georgi’s mouth twisted in a terrible scowl. “Rest assured, neighbor of mine, that I played no _Harry Potter_ or _Lord of the Rings_ in this apartment. I would never watch any sort of _fantasy_ movie.”

Yuuri blinked. “So _two_ people in this building like their movies at earth-shattering volumes?”

Georgi scowled at the ceiling. “My upstairs neighbor. He and his _fantasy movies_ STOLE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!” He reached behind the door and pulled out a broom, smacking the handle several times against the ceiling.

“Oh boy,” Yuuri said.

Viktor reached out a hand. “Georgi,” he said consolingly. “I haven’t heard any Harry Potter movies playing in quite some time. I think your point has been made.”

“My point will _never_ be made, until Anya is free of _him_ and back in my arms.” Georgi’s voice quivered.

“Right, of course,” Viktor said. “But he’s no longer playing the movies. It may be time to try a different tack, and give the rest of your blameless neighbors a break from the constant...”

“Porn,” Yuuri supplied.

Georgi looked at Viktor, then at Yuuri. “I’ll...consider it,” he said, and shut the door in their faces.

Viktor looked at Yuuri. “I think that went rather well,” he said with a grin.

Yuuri couldn’t help it; he laughed. “That was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done in my whole life,” he said.

Viktor beamed at him. “You did wonderfully well, Yuuri.” They started to walk back down the hall towards Viktor’s apartment.

“Thanks for helping me,” Yuuri said, once they were outside Viktor’s door. “I’m not sure a note would have done as well as you did.”

“It was my pleasure, Yuuri.” Yuuri _really_ liked the way Viktor said his name. It was getting to be a problem. Viktor put his hand on the knob. “It was wonderful to meet you.”

“You too.”

Viktor gave him one more wide grin and went back into his apartment. Yuuri slammed his forehead into his palm, just to relieve some of the tension, and made for the elevator.

\------

_Viktor,_

_Thanks again for helping me the other day. It was really nice to meet you! Maybe we could get coffee sometime. My treat, for asking you for porn._

_Yuuri (#26)_

Yuuri put the pen down and regarded the note. Pulling out his phone, he snapped a picture and sent it to Phichit.

 **_Yuuri_ ** **_  
_ ** _Does this look normal?_

 **_Phichit_ ** **_  
_ ** _Put your phone number on it_

 **_Yuuri_ ** _  
_ _That’s way too forward, no way_

 **_Phichit_ ** _  
_ _How is he supposed to get in touch with you without it????_

 **_Yuuri_ **  
_Well, I put my apt number_  
_I thought he could_  
_Slip a note under the door back???_ _  
It could be our thing_

Yuuri’s phone rang. He answered, and Phichit’s face filled the screen. “Yuuri. Put your goddamn phone number on that piece of paper right now.”

Yuuri blinked. “Alright, geez.” He picked up the pen and added his number underneath his name. “Done.”

“Show me.” Yuuri sighed and flipped the camera around. “Good. Now walk me down to his apartment and show me you putting it under his door.”

Yuuri grabbed for his keys and exited his apartment. “Why don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I know you, and I know you chicken out of stuff,” Phichit said. It sounded so damned reasonable when he said it like that. Yuuri _did_ chicken out of stuff.

Three floors down, Yuuri turned the camera back around and showed Phichit Viktor’s door. “We’re here.” He aimed the phone at the floor and slipped the note into Viktor’s apartment. “There. Are you satisfied?”

“Yes I am. Good luck!”

Yuuri hung up, straightened, and turned back to the elevator. He almost ran straight into Viktor’s chest.

“Hi again, Yuuri,” Viktor said. His voice was warm, and he was smiling.

“Oh god,” Yuuri said. “Did you see all of that?”

Viktor nodded. “Did you put something under my door?”

“A note.”

A pause. “Well? What did it say?”

Yuuri opened his mouth and closed it again. “I think the note explains it best.”

Viktor nodded again. “I’ll be sure to read it closely, then.”

“Great. Well, nice seeing you again! Bye!” Yuuri said in a rush, and scuttled for the stairs. There was no time to wait for the elevator.

\------

_Eighteen months later_

“So really,” Phichit said from where he stood at the head table. “It’s all thanks to Georgi that we’re here today. Georgi and me, really, because I made Yuuri go looking for the culprit that day.” At his own table, Georgi was crying steadily, two wadded-up handkerchiefs clutched in his hand. “So Georgi, your plan may not have gotten Anya back, but it did result in true love.” Phichit raised his champagne. “To the lovebirds, Yuuri and Viktor Katsuki-Nikiforov.” Next to him, Viktor and Yuuri beamed at each other. Viktor leaned over to press his lips to his new husband’s. “And just so you know, Viktor,” Phichit went on, once everyone had toasted. “I checked last night, and you’re still in Yuuri’s phone as Hot Neighbor Viktor.”

Yuuri threw a fork at him.

**Author's Note:**

> @my neighbors drop a link to the sound system you're using, i can hear you through a closed window
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](http://thewalrus-said.tumblr.com)!


End file.
